I love to write about my experiences because it’s how I teach. Here is one triggered by an experience at a business exhibition, which I will explain later. Have you ever walked into a store run by white people and been ignored? Sure, you have. If not yet, you are young and it’s coming!
Not because they were busy.
Not because they didn’t see you.
But because in their heads, your skin said, “Hmm, not a customer.”
They look at you—not in the eyes, not with curiosity, not like a human being walking into their business likely to be revenue for them—but with a quick and judgmental scan.
Not rich enough. Not white enough. Not worth the effort.
They don’t even fake politeness. Why bother if they perceive no transaction? After all, to them, all of life is transactional, about money, not about humanity.
You can feel the contempt in the air, like old dust from an attic.
You walk through it, but it clings to your skin. You think about the ludicrousness of the behavior long after you leave. In some cultures, you may even be convinced their behavior is your fault in some magical way.
It’s worse in “fancy” spaces.
Jewelry stores. Car dealerships. High-end clothing stores.
God forbid you walk into a BMW or Mercedes showroom in sneakers, slippers, and brown skin.
I remember that as a university student, a group of us—young, Black, confident, and intelligent—walked into a jewelry store. One of the guys wanted to buy something special for his girlfriend. Something meaningful to show his love. 💕
We wandered the store for 20 minutes.
Most of us browsed while we waited for him. No one spoke to us. Not even a glance. No one asked to help any of us. We were dressed in t-shirts, shorts, and sneakers. Yet, who knew who had money and who didn’t? Common sense says treat everyone the same. You never know!
The clerks were busy eagerly tending to white tourists fresh off a cruise ship. Meanwhile, the tourists only asked questions, sipped water, and wasted time.
None of them bought a damn thing, after asking for the price of everything and to touch and try everything.
But our friend? Nada!
He finally walked up to a clerk, pulled out a wad of cash, showed her the roll, and said something I’ll never forget:
“You just missed a nice commission. You ignored us. You judged us. You failed. Peace-out”
She was bug-eyed, and tried to save-face. But it was too late. Her words and smile fell on rock, never to take root! She exposed herself.
Fast forward to a recent business exhibition I attended.
Most vendors were decent, engaged, and open to questions. They pitched their services and products, handed out business cards, brochures, and samples, shook hands, and smiled.
Business, as it should be. No ignorant pre-judgment based on belief in fiction.
Then there was one booth—run entirely by older white men. We showed some curiosity on what they were selling.
As we walked by—myself and others—they didn’t even blink. No “hello.” No eye contact. No sales pitch. No effort.
We could’ve been invisible. One gazed upon us lazily like a sleep cat, then back to talk to the other men.
And I’m glad!
That’s right—I’m glad! Seems strange? Why would I be glad to be overlooked?
Because they told me who they were.
No guessing. No hoping. No fake smiles that pretend you’re being seen while they mentally tally up your skin tone, your accent, your outfit, your proximity to whiteness. I loved it! They remained in their feelings!
These men made it clear: We’re not here for you.
That’s perfect.
Now I know exactly where not to spend my time, my money, my mind, or my energy. I know to go to their competitors when I need business. I know they are not worth my effort because even if they were to attempt to do business with me, it would be at best, intentionally mediocre.
See, the thing about racism—particularly the smug, insecure yet well-fed fat kind that exists in business spaces—is that it hopes you’ll chase it. It’s economic racism at its core.
It wants you to try harder. Try again, and again.
To prove yourself.
To beg, yes, beg for visibility.
To second-guess yourself into shame, into silence, into walking away. Destroy all your dignity and expect no respect from them.
And when you fail—not because you weren’t brilliant, but because they never gave you a fair shot—they say, “See? Told you you weren’t ready.”
Then they steal your ideas, the same ones they denounced to your face but later pretend they invented your innovations, and build off your labor with all-white teams and one token they can parade like a mascot. “Make sure to show up for the company group photo.” One of my former white CEOs had the nerve to ask me to write everything he needed to say in public forums because I knew the work and he did not. I reminded him, as he had smuggly reminded me many times before, that he was the boss and got paid for it. I will not teach him how to lead me and the company. Where was his mentorship? He just chuckled because he knew his ways.
Don’t fall for it.
Don’t play the game of people who want you to lose just to validate their fantasy of superiority.
You see, they’re not just guarding their wallets. My CEO would claim he was saving the company money, while he was only crippling the black, brown and female run departments, while improving the budgets of anyone who was white or brown but played the fictional Mammy and Sambos role.
They’re guarding their delusions.
Delusions that tell them only white people are worth doing business with, promoting, giving a salary raise, and being respected.
That they’re better.
That the default human is white, and everyone else must work harder, smile more, be treated poorly, and expect less.
They may be serious people, but they are not rational people.
They are not grounded in reality.
They are not honest about history or power or merit.
And they should never get a cent from you. None of your time, money, ideas, effort, or labor.
Because someone who refuses to see you,
Who refuses to talk to you, respect you,
Who believes your money isn’t green enough,
is someone who doesn’t deserve to be part of your success, your life, your world of truth.
And don’t let them con you into giving up before you start.
They want you to think that your idea is too big. It’s not!
Your dream is too much. It’s definitely not!
Your power doesn’t belong to you. Your power is yours!
They want you to defeat yourself so they can stay comfortably unchallenged. Do not preemptively give up your soul and riches in you.
So they can steal your fire after they convince you to drop it.
Nope.
You hold that fire, my brother or sister. Shine your torch. You build your thing. Your own company. Your own income source. Your own community. Make your dream a reality, every day of your life.
And when you do, you make sure your doors are open—but only to people who operate in truth, who respect and honor you as a human being. Be available only to people who see others with respect, not suspicion.
Only to people who understand what equity looks like.
Let me leave you with this:
There are serious people in this world.
Serious businesspeople.
Serious collaborators.
Serious clients.
People who see you as you are—brilliant, prepared, whole, and human.
Spend your energy with them.
Build with them.
Invest with them.
Let the others rot in their fantasy of white superiority, talking only to people who look like them and wondering why the world they created is crumbling beneath them. Don’t buy from them. Don’t work for them. Don’t serve them. Don’t be them. Let them exist in their fantasy alone!
Remember this:
You’re not invisible.
They’re just blind.
That’s their loss.
Not yours.
Live your life to the fullest!
Share with friends and family you care about who struggle with racial trauma.
